Coping with inner silence

My mother ,confined to her room mostly,keeps enquiring from the inner space  , at regular intervals whether I have gone to the office or whether I have come for the lunch or whether I have come back from office.My wife gets understandably annoyed having to reply to her from the living room from time to time.Why  she does this is at first difficult to understand .Today I have understood her .Suddenly it  has occurred to me that when time hangs heavily on her she has found her own way of marking time .In the twilight years a person loses a sense of time and becomes disoriented because he is no longer in the mainstream.  You not only do not participate in the drama of life but lose your spectator status as well . The world goes on without you and is not even aware of your existence.

My wife says my mother raises her voice even when the listener is close by .Where is the need to shout when somebody is within a close range, she asks.It has again occurred to me why such a thing happens with my mother all the time.She seems to be trying to break the inner stillness within her , the lack of steady hum in her consciousness .The silence is  indeed terrifying and it is only by raising the pitch that one could break the silence.

My online being

A very strange thing that I have lately become aware of is the nature of the dialogue that takes place in my online existence .It is as though the dialogue is an ongoing one with interruptions accounted for only by my absences from the computer. I am not sure if I have clarified my thoughts enough. Let me explain. I have a running dialogue with god knows who and it is not the same person all the time but as far as my consciousness goes the dialogue is a mere extension of my earlier one irrespective of who or what I interacted with in my earlier computer sessions. In other words ,on the other side there is a faceless persona with whom I carry on the dialogue which seems to stretch interminably as though there were just the two of us and we carry on with this dialogue from session to session .

Just like it was in my childhood when there were me and God who carried on the dialogue , in a sort of pantomime in which He showed me bits of the world which had appeared briefly and vanished as soon as the experience was over. I had to use this example because it is only through an image that I could explain what I have experienced. My consciousness was like a flimsy mosquito net which enveloped me and broke down every time it changed the space and flowed through time .Just now this computer ,the table and the walls together with the hum of the air-conditioner and the smell of the room spray constitute my consciousness of space which breaks down quickly changing to another envelope of consciousness. In the dialogue I carry on in my online existence it is as though the dialogue never ends and has only breaks such as one would find in a T.V. programme at the end of which I resume the dialogue.